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bipolar depression, depression, depressioon, Disorders, Major depressive disorder, manic depression, Mental disorder, Mental Health, psychology, What is depression
Great article with a list of 11 things no-one should ever say to a person suffering from depression – http://www.medicalbillingandcoding.org/blog/11-things-you-should-never-say-to-someone-with-depression/
All ex-sufferers and current sufferers most probably already know these things from personal experience, so this article goes more out to all the people, who have not experienced depression – please keep these simple words of advice in mind in case you have interactions with sufferers of depression.
And thank you Christine for sending me the reference to this article!
Related articles
- What Not To Say To Someone With Mental Illness (thoughtsunthinkable.wordpress.com)
- Physical Symptoms Of Depression In Women (answers.com)
- Depression Help Online (depressionhelponline.net)
Those are pretty bad kicks in the teeth. I know people mean well but it is surprising that they think that “encouragement” like that will help. Great post.
I agree, people usually don’t even mean anything bad by saying such things. I think the problem comes from the fact that people, who have not experienced depression, just have no idea what this illness is about because not enough explanation work has been done.
It’s like trying to explain what heartbreak feels like. Words can’t cover the way that impacts every part of your being. Depression is like heartbreak but it’s not about anyone but you. It feels like it will never end and will never feel better. Thanks heavens that this doesn’t have to be true. But while it is going on, it feels true.
I disagree with some of what the article says. I may be in the minority here but I do believe in choices as to how a person feels. A person may not have chosen certain things about their past circumstances but they always have a choice as to how they respond to it. It does no good to sit there and blame the past for what happened. It accomplishes nothing.
As far as happy thoughts are concerned, it’s fairly judgmental to categorize thoughts of contentment and well-being as “happy thoughts”. However, it is important to recognize why a person is feeling depressed and break those feelings down. It is my experience that when those feelings are broken down then it is easier to understand and deal with the depression. Again, I speak from experience. Yes, I agree, thinking about clouds and puppies isn’t going to solve anything. But constantly focusing on the depression, I think, will only make it worse. I say, recognize it for what it is, learn why it’s happening, and effectively deal with it. It takes time but eventually you’ll get there.
agreed
You’ve obviously never had mental illness. Try saying all these things to a person with cancer and you’ll see what I mean. Depression, like cancer, is a disease that the person can’t control. What you are talking about here is the feeling of depression, which is different from the illness, clinical depression, in which feeling depressed is but one of dozens of terrible symptoms.
Ok. So what do you propose instead?
There is a lot of misunderstanding and stigma associated with clinical depression, not to mention that the feelings experienced by someone with depression are inaccessible to someone who has not suffered from it – in the same way as none of us will truly understand what someone in a concentration camp during WWII was going through – so I don’t blame you for not understanding the extent of the illness. If you’d really like to understand what suffering from clinical depression is like, I suggest starting with the Wikipedia article on major depressive disorder, and read up on people’s experiences from memoir (e.g., Darkness Visible) or online (e.g, http://www.ihaveamentalillness.com). The truth is that more people kill themselves from going through this illness than die in traffic accidents. I had depression and the experience is a humbling one – the world is not always a positive place we’d like it to be. Depression is as insidious as cancer, and a person can’t cure depression just like he can’t cure his cancer. Sometimes a person cannot ever feel better and death is the only solution. A person with depression cannot control how he feels, and he feels guilty and ashamed of this fact. So saying that feeling bad is no use only exacerbates that blame and reminds the person of his own inadequacy.
I understand clinical depression because I do have it. Perhaps my approach is unconventional and I admit that but I am also aware of how I feel. It’s understandable that a lot of people don’t and that’s fine. However, my question was that if you didn’t agree with the comment I had made above, what would you suggest as an alternative to that in dealing with clinical depression? I know what wanting to kill yourself is like because I’ve felt like that only recently. Again the question, what would you suggest?
By the way, I appreciate you pointing things out.
I’m sorry to hear you have depression. It is a very tough place to be in.
The best thing you can do is get professional help, like a therapist. The most helpful treatment for me was my therapist and medication.
You may check out my article “Caring for Depression” where I summarize the most helpful alternative treatments that helped me.
http://retry4z.blogspot.com/2011/12/caring-for-depression.html
Also, encouragement is a great thing. Mind you, some people fire encouragement from a rifle of happiness and that’s not going to do anybody any good. Like anything, it has to be done tactfully and respectfully. Saying, “Gee whiz! You’re such a great guy!” does nothing. It’s all about UNDERSTANDING. Dwelling on the depression only makes it worse. Blaming or criticizing the past and other external circumstances does nothing. If you’re going to encourage someone, I would say do it by acknowledging their power over the situation. If you talk to someone like they’re powerless and that it’s the world’s fault, then I think you’re going to make the situation worse. However, after listening to the person and understanding where they’re coming from and getting a complete picture of what’s happening, again, then you can effectively deal with the situation. But remember, it’s important to make the person feel EMPOWERED. People need to recognize their power and that’s something that a lot of people in society (especially in medicine and religion) are always trying to squelch.
My daughter speaks about a program called, “Rainbows”. It teaches people how to provide peer support to others who are grieving a loss of some sort. She uses a lot of the Rainbows approaches in her classroom where she teaches “at risk youth”. The bottom line to help her students is to be a “loving listener” and then know who you can refer students to who will offer professional support. A great post – thank-you.
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Excellent points. Sensitive points. Thanks for sharing
“Pull yourself together” is probably one of the worst things you can say to somebody who is already feeling weak and exhausted.
I totally agree