Today I’m happy and honored to publish a guest post by the most wonderful Mrs. Bernadette Logue, bestselling self-help Author, Coach and Workshop Leader.
Clearing the Fog – Remember Who You Really Are
By Bernadette Logue
In William P Young’s haunting yet beautiful tale, The Shack, he writes of ‘the great sadness’ that settled weightily upon a man who had experienced an immense tragedy in his life. The great sadness was a thick and heavy fog that clouded the man’s mind and soul.
I remember reading this term, ‘the great sadness’, and flashing back to a vivid moment in my memory. I had been sitting on the edge of the bed, and my friend lay buried below the blankets. I was holding her hand. Unable to lift her head, unable to stop her tears quietly seeping, unable to fathom how to breathe let alone how to live, my friend had been enveloped by the great sadness. She was lost in its heavy fog, unable to find her way out.
As I looked in her eyes, I recall a voice within me saying, “She doesn’t remember. She’s doesn’t remember how wonderful she is, how beautiful she is, how perfect and loved she is, just the way she is. She’s completely forgotten. How did this happen?”
How Does the Fog Settle?
I’ve witnessed several people trying their best to live this life, yet with the great sadness constantly on their shoulders. It has caused me to seriously investigate how it is that this experience of ‘the great sadness’ comes to pass. How does one divine little being, born into life innocently and full of possibility, end up swamped by this fog of sadness? How is it that the fog so easily steals their vibrancy?
We all come into life as more than enough, as loved, as whole and complete, and as perfect even with all our imperfections. We come with this truth clearly etched in our minds, body and souls. We come remembering in our childlike wonder how inspired, creative and brilliant we each are. As we grow up and evolve, as we encounter the world around us, all we need remember and do is to embrace and love who we naturally are, and to honour ourselves by following our own call, intuition, and passions.
It seems to me that there are four human behaviours, unconsciously conditioned and encouraged by society as a whole, that we each can so easily fall into. And, I believe, these behaviours are a roadmap into ‘the great sadness’.
Roadmap into the Great Sadness
Those 4 behaviours are:
· Comparing yourself to others
· Attempting to meet the expectations of others
· Seeking validation in the external world
· Measuring yourself against stereotype models of ‘success’
These four human behaviours lead to resulting feeling states, which combined together are the accidental and yet perfect invitation for the great sadness to envelop you:
· Feeling inadequate/not good enough
· Feeling incomplete/lacking
· Feeling lost and alone
Comparing Yourself to Others
When we compare ourselves to others and we notice our differences, it is all too easy to make those differences mean that we are somehow inadequate, that we are incomplete and therefore faulty, lacking, less than and not good enough in some way. These are isolating feelings.
Attempting to Meet Expectations
From a young age we are bombarded with what the world expects of us – our parents, our grandparents, our siblings, our friends, our teachers, our employers, and so on. We can be easily misled by the well-meaning intentions, advice and perspectives of others – misled into living a life that others expect of us, instead of the life that we want. That is, we lose touch with the life our heart calls for, the path that will bring our most vibrant and expressed self into the world.
The expectations of others can lead us to then have similar expectations of ourselves, and we go about striving, trying hard, adapting our natural ways and attempting to fit in, in order to meet those expectations.
Of course then we seek to understand if we are succeeding in our efforts to meet expectations by looking to measure and validate ourselves and our efforts in the external world. We look for feedback, input, results to show us if we are good enough, complete, successful, loved and needed. We take each experience we have as evidence of our success or failure in this regard. The trap is that if you get the validation you’re seeking ‘out there’ you feel elevated and thus become further sucked into this vicious cycle. If you don’t get the validation you’re seeking, then you sink into the fog of ‘the great sadness’. It’s a cycle that leaves us feeling depleted and completely reliant upon the external world for our inner peace.
Measuring up to Models of Success
We are also bombarded with messages in day to day life that depict what ‘success’ looks like. The picture of success that modern society sells to us is one based on achievements, status, material wealth and physical appearance. Without even consciously realising it, we can be absorbing and buying into this false model of success and measuring ourselves against it. We form a picture in our minds of how we need to be and look, what we need to do and achieve, and where we need to climb to in order to be ‘successful’. None of which is truth.
Roadmap Out – Re-instilling the Truth
The truth is that you were good enough when you were born, you were complete, successful, loved and needed just by being here, being alive and being who you really are. No amount of validation in the feedback loop ‘out there’ in the external world will ever show you that truth. The truth lies within you. You came into life with it, it is who you are.
Comparing ourselves to others, living up to the expectations of others and seeking validation of our worth is like running 100 miles an hour on a treadmill. It’s exhausting and there appears no easy way to get off. It is little wonder that so many people have an experience of the great sadness within their life, when day to day they have forgotten the truth of their own divine nature.
A healing way to navigate out of the great sadness is to re-instil the truth. When we forget, we must remember. When we remember, we reconnect and see the illusions that have kept us prisoner. From the truth we are set free. From the truth we are able to rise above the fog, slowly but surely.
The truth is simply this – you are perfect and unique, with all your imperfections, just as you are. The world longs for you to be just as you are, as there is only one of you in all of time and to attempt to be someone else would be robbing the world of your gift. Your gift is being you. No one else has that gift. The world longs for you to feel your own instinctive desires, to honour them and follow your inner compass at all times, to acknowledge the expectations you encounter from others and to set them aside and continue on your journey, not someone else’s journey. Life needs you, without you, your soul’s unique journey will never be taken. Who you are is worthy and complete, and this needs no validation, it just is.
Two Questions to Guide You
There are only two questions to ever ask yourself in relation to your place in this world:
1. Am I embracing and being who I really am, and
2. Am I doing what I truly love?
This is the only measure of your success. Being true to yourself, and living from that place. This is what supports your thriving. When you forget, and you fall into the four behaviours, this is when you may sink into the fog of the great sadness.
To come home to the truth, to disperse that fog, please love yourself. Love who you are. I love you and I don’t even know you. I love you because you are here, and you are unique, and you are a fellow soul on a journey. Self-love is the one transformative shift we can all make right now that will change the path of our own lives and the path of the world we live in forever. Please allow yourself, give yourself permission to be exactly who you are. Allow yourself to remember.
My energy is placed in the direction of truth, and I invite you to do the same – by focusing on every soul remembering, on every child being reminded as they grow up, on every person in their own experience of the great sadness to be brought home – home to the truth that peace rests within the space of you being who you really are, embracing that you are perfect in all your uniqueness and imperfections, that you are and always have been more than enough, and that you are loved deeply beyond measure.
By Bernadette Logue
Bernadette is an Amazon bestselling self-help Author, Coach and Workshop Leader. She is one of the founders of Pinch Me Living (http://www.PinchMeLiving.com), a blog site dedicated to inspiring you to be who you are and do what you love.